My inner child has been in some despair lately. She misses her creative outlet of sewing. Working full time and having twin 3-year-old girls who stay up way too late leaves me no time to sew. The girls stay home with their father all day, so taking time off work still doesn't do the trick. They miss me during the day and gravitate towards me as soon as I get home. They love that I will tend to their needs. "I want milk: "mama watch me do this" "waaahhh, Audrey is not sharing" "read me a book"
Well that is what being a parent is all about, right? Sacrifice. But sometimes a part of me misses sorely the ease of crafting before they came along. When I do get to sewing the girls are right there playing with my butterfly pins, which I am always trying to tell them to not put into their mouths. They like sticking them into their stuffed animals like some kind of voodoo ritual. I tell them I need them to sew and not to lose them. I always tell myself...one day you will wish they still wanted to be so near you - touching, cuddling. One day you will wish you took advantage of this time when they look upon you with big eyes of adoration. And thinking this way does helps me and my inner child to grow up a little bit, or at least to bid her time for free expression. Some mothers (probably most) can do both. I refuse to go down this path of thinking, as it leads to a dark cloudy pit. Comparing myself to others is at best just gross thinking and a total waste of time and emotions and seems to open wide the doors of negative thinking to come flooding in. Been drowned in my own sorrows a few times to know this to be true.