Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Crawling out from under a Rock

Our household went through a round of a cold virus.  It was inevitable I get it because the girls were coughing all over me.  It was a dozy of cold.  So miserable that I even made myself some chicken soup with a bunch of veggies in it, which also included sweet potatoes and kale and the juice of one lemon. I ate this soup every day with abandon feeling like the ingredients were finding a home in my body.  One day when the cold felt the worst I called in sick to work.  My boss wanted to know if I wanted him to email me some work.  (Really? no)  I felt pressured to go back to work the next day in a sort of delirium.  Other coworkers made comments like "you look kind of green".  For some reason a part of me went into hiding. Somewhere nestled inside I wrapped a part of myself in a cozy embrace of silence.  It was a part of me that was so exhausted and after several weeks I began to wonder if that part of me was ever going to come back out.  For that part of me was my creative child and I needed to find out what was going on?  I no longer felt like blogging or facebooking.  Every time I wanted to sew or crochet, a lot of unfinished projected ran through my mind and I could not focus on any of them.  Then for some bizarre reason I started to connect with this inner, recuperating child while taking my shower before work. So with the warm water flowing down my back, I closed my eyes and pictured my inner child, who was dark like a shadow, and I held her, like I would hold my girls (wrapped my arms around myself), and I told her I was there for her, and that I loved her.  This happened for two days and that was enough to make both of us happy.  Later that day I picked up my unfinished amigurumi Pony Girl and finished the body.

And in the outside world, where up is up and down is down, my girls turned 5 this year.  And I learned to have fun with picasion and a silent lesson about embracing the inner darkness (where a part of myself  hides) in order to emerge once again into the light united with love and warm water flowing down my body.


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